Monday, February 28, 2011

30 for 30 Photos: Day 11

Today's post for the 30 Day Photo Challenge is to post a picture of something I hate. I think that "hate" is a strong word, but sometimes I use it when I feel passionately against something. Some days I HATE tourists who stand on the left side of the Metro escalators. Other days I hate my feet because they are always cold. Still other days I swear against my stomach because all I want to do is stuff my face. Anyway, the point is, I don't actually hate these things; rather, they annoy me on a consistent basis. But what would DC be without our fanny packed, Old Navy flag t-shirted history buffs? What would I do without my feet - and when I would I paint my teeny tiny toenails? And for goodness sake, I can't live without my stomach!

While I do not necessarily hate anything, I have a relatively recent hatred for one of God's creatures. This cute specimen was a recent hostage in my house and arrived in my apartment in grand fashion. Ladies and gents, I hate squirrels. Not really. Just one squirrel. Allow me to elaborate.

One Thursday, the same week of the bout with a failed heart-shaped pizza attempt, I was happily plugging away on my computer in my tiny studio apartment. I heard some rustling in the vicinity, but I waved it off as sounds from the hound upstairs. My ears failed me, friends, for it was not my neighbor's dog. Instead, I was face-to-fur with a squirrel. In my apartment. I'm going to go ahead an allow this to sink in...


First allow me to describe my apartment layout. It's a small place, mind you, and there is a utility closet with the water heater and an open end for the refrigerator. Therefore, there is a small opening above the fridge into my kitchen, exposing just a smidge of the closet. Ever the fire hazard conscious gal, I of course stacked any and all boxes into said closet because I have too much junk in my remaining closets (oops.). As I sat upon my couch I could see a portion of the kitchen, so when I heard the rustling I did not move, but when I heard something drop on my kitchen floor I snapped my head in that direction. Low and behold the squirrel was in plain view. It looked rather alarmed, something resembling this expression:
So in a split second I jumped up and continued to scream. As I screamed the squirrel proceeded to run around my place, over my shoes, my couch, typing "qrrrsssssssskkklll" on my computer, and everywhere except my bed (thank.goodness.). I obviously ran opposite the squirrel and called Andrew, at work, screaming about the squirrel in my apartment. His office could hear me through the phone. His advice: "Don't touch the squirrel." Obviously haha

I managed to shut the bathroom door and open the front door, while holding my phone and screaming at the squirrel like it was a person. Finally, it ran out the front door and forever out of my life. It took me a while to calm down, and in my panic mode I called my property management firm and left a lengthy voicemail about the incident. It was probably one of the most frantic, ridiculous voicemails I have ever left in my life (which is saying something, considering my phase of calling while intoxicated in my earlier 20s). I was not mad in the voicemail, but I can say that my voice was shrill and full of absolute terror. I mean really, what if it would have been something other than a squirrel?!?! What if something else gets in?!?! How on earth DID it get in?!?!?! What if I was not home at the time and came home to it?!?!?! I can assure you that all of these questions and more were on the voicemail. Then I left a message on the property management's online request forms. I wanted to ensure that they got my plea for help.

Once I breathed at a steady pace I went upstairs to apologize for my screaming. Somehow they didn't hear me. However, two days before they thought they heard something in their walls, and had the property management people come over to patch a hole in their attic. Yep. The squirrel was a hostage and came down through the walls to my utility closet, out the small hole and into my kitchen.

The next day as I made coffee I saw a squirrel out of the corner of my eye peering in through the window. I don't know if it was the same one, but I was spooked.

Oh and when the property management people came over to patch the hole in my closet they removed all of the boxes and asked how I was doing. I said, "Oh! You heard my voicemail, I take it?" Their response: "We ALL heard the voicemail." hahaha

Also, later that day two different people came over to repair my shower handles and when I came in they said, "Hey Mary! How are you doing after the squirrel?" I said, "I'm good thanks! I take it you heard the voicemail?" "Oh yes," they said in unison, "it was the talk of the office this morning." Well, at least they all know my name and I no longer have a hole for vermin to access my apartment!

Oh. So yeah. I kind of hate that squirrel. Hence the picture of a squirrel. I will return to happy thoughts in my next post.

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